i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
tell me about the eggs
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize