He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he told me I talked like a deaf person
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
