I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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