Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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