first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
