mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
