Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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