this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
