You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
