it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize