girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
