All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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