I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
