my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
nutella sex= disaster
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
