remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
