My brain says no but my pants say off.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
