I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
