Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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