Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
