I want to have your abortion
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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