i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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