You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
