You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
