I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this just has baby written all over it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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