I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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