he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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