I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
