2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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