David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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