I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
two words...techno handjob
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
