i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my poor anus
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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