new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
