'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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