i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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