Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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