woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
