Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
