I hate your face
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was born a porn star she said
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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