I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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