I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
whose parrot is this?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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