I hate all girls vehemently.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
