If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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