Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
