I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
