do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
