You're completely useless in the revolution.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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