i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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