Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
