When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
