remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
