rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
