Your face is a jimmy john
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
