I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
