i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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