I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
