Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
