im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
