The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
