Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
