I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
