I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize