Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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