If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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