Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
