He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
